Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize