She is in my trunk
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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