I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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