I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
