just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My balls are so social today.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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