note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
