I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize