Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
