I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
