you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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