If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
