i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
