Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
