Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Lo siento on account of my penis...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
