perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
