Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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