i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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