Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
