If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Randomize
