He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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