That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The best revenge is premature balding
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
