if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
