whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
