New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
