I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
