I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
