return my video game
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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