Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
