After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
