So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize