I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
