peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
