my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We just shotgunned beers for America
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
wow bdsm is so cute
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
