Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
home. puking in laundry basket.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
