oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
