just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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