Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
