Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
