I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
