he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
