Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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