I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
