I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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