12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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