I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
