I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
