I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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