Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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