sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
