It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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