U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize