i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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