You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
