Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
