Define "chronic" masturbator.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
only if we run a train.
done.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
