So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
