ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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