I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
