U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
