Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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