You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
