Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
