I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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